Baby Fish's Birth Story: Thoughts On Having a C-Section

Last week, I shared Baby Fish's birth story from the time we went in to the hospital for the induction to getting in to the recovery room.

It was quite a crazy ride!  If you missed it, catch up before reading on:
Birth Story Part 1
Birth Story Part 2
I didn't share much about my feelings on having a C-section because there are LOT of them to share (and the birth story was already long enough!).  I thought I'd save a whole post dedicated to that to round out the birth story!  So, without further ado, let's talk about my thoughts relating to having a C-section!

I'm thankful that I was active before and during my pregnancy for the sake of healing.
My doctor kept commenting on how great it was that I was active and in shape before and during my pregnancy.  She talked about how much easier that would make my recovery, and I must say that I really didn't have too much pain or discomfort.  For that, I am thankful!!

I'm really impressed that I really didn't feel anything while being awake.
It always freaked me out that women are awake during C-sections.  But, I really DID NOT feel anything.  They upped my epidural medicine and did a "pinch test" to make sure I couldn't feel it.  And I didn't.  I felt nothing at all when they were doing the pinch test.  It was amazing to me!  Speaking of anesthesia...

I'm glad I already had the epidural.
Seriously, I know I mentioned this during the birth story, but I am SO GLAD I had an epidural in already.  If I had to have that inserted before going back to the operating room, I think I would have punched someone!  So, if you are on the fence about having an epidural, keep in mind that having one already will make having an unplanned (or emergency) C-section slightly better!

I always had a feeling I would have to have a C-section.

...and I think having that feeling really helped me prepare for it mentally.  Because of my feeling, it wasn't as much of a surprise to me.  I really wanted to have a natural birth, but a C-section was always in the back of my head.

A C-section was necessary to get Baby Fish out safely.

Once I realized the severity of the baby's heart rate dropping, I knew that the C-section was going to be the only safe option for having the baby.  That was the most important thing, so it was a no-brainer decision to give up my desire for a vaginal birth after trying 3 different times.

That being said, here's the negative thoughts I have:

I feel like I "failed" by having a C-section
It seems like vaginal deliveries are the "good" deliveries and C-sections are the "bad" or looked-down-upon deliveries.  When I tell people I had a C-section, I get an "oh..." reaction with the judgey glance-down.  I know it was necessary, but I still feel like I did something wrong to "have to have" a C-section.

It was scary being "by myself" for so long.
Being prepped for the C-section and then being closed up were a little scary.  Joe wasn't allowed to be in there when I was being prepped, and I wanted him to go with the baby afterward, but I wish I'd had him there.  The anesthesiologist was very, very comforting during this whole process, explaining to me what was happening and telling me I was doing well throughout the whole process.  Still, it was tough being "alone" during such an intense time!

I wish I'd been able to hold my baby right after she was born.
Mamas who give birth vaginally are handed their baby right away.  I didn't get to see her (except for throw a small space between the screen and other equipment) for about 5 minutes afterward.  I didn't get to hold her until over an hour after she was born.  This may not seem to be a big deal, but it was hard in a way that I can't really describe.

My first time holding her, over an hour after birt

I kind of hate that I won't ever give birth vaginally.
I know this is a REALLY weird thing to say.  Most people dread childbirth.  Shoot, I dreaded childbirth up until I was in that situation.  But, knowing that I will never get to experience what a woman's body was made to do really does make me sad.  Not many doctors will allow you to try a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), so it looks like I'll be having C-sections for any subsequent children.

My sorority sister posted this article on Facebook a few days after Baby Fish's birth, and I must say that I identify with ALL of the feelings that are mentioned.  It really does a great job of expressing what someone goes through when having a C-section.

Question for you: What are your thoughts on C-sections?  What's a non-ideal situation you've had to go through that really was for the best?