Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 40 Weeks + Induction Options

Today's a special day in the Fish household, because a year ago today, this little girl came in to our lives!
It really doesn't feel like we've had Tequila for a whole year already, but it sure has been a fun year!  She has brought a lot of joy to our lives, and we are really lucky to have her. 
We love you, Tequila!!

Ok, now that that's out of the way, we can move on to the point of this post: another pregnancy update!  Yes,  I'm still pregnant, so I'm going to keep updating you until I'm not anymore!  Could this be the last one?!?  I guess we'll have to wait and see!

Pregnancy Update: 40 Weeks

How far along? 40 weeks (and 2 days)

Baby Bump progress: I feel like the bump looks more round and lower this week.  Maybe that means Baby Fish is preparing to grace us with his/her presence!  (Sorry for the weird face in this picture, too!)

Baby's Size? a jackfruit (what is that...?)!  Anywhere from 7-9 pounds and 20-21 inches long.

What's happening this week?  
  • Baby's nails and hair are still growing
  • Baby's lungs are getting more and more developed
Total weight gain/loss: 35.6 pounds total since my first doctor's visit. 

Stretch marks?: nothing new!  The doctor actually commented on how nice my stomach looked and said that genetics seem to determine how the skin will behave.  Thanks, mom and dad, for good skin!

Sleep: A few nights this week, I've had to get up and sleep on the couch for a few hours.  I just haven't been able to get comfortable after going to the bathroom!  Overall, sleep isn't bad though.  I feel very rested when I get up, even when I have to sleep on the couch!

Best moment this week: Joe's graduation!! 
I was so happy that Baby Fish listened and didn't come before graduation.  It was great to get to see Joe walk across the stage and become a doctor after all of his hard work!  I'm so proud of him :)


Miss anything?: Same stuff as last week: having lots of clothing options, having normal-sized feet, alcohol, sleeping comfortably, plus running and being able to sit however I want without the fear of swollen feet!

Movement: still moving and grooving in there!  Also, I believe that he/she has dropped a little!  I haven't been getting as many rib kicks, which is nice.  Now, I'm getting some hip-bone punches, so those aren't fun either.

Food cravings: nothing specific, I've just been wanting to snack a lot more this week.  Cheez-its, Cheetos, and anything crunchy seem to be my go-to's!

Anything making you queasy or sick: nope!  The acid reflux has returned, but I've decided to just take some Tums when I first feel it come on.  It makes my day a lot less miserable!

Gender: We'll find out when Baby Fish is born :)  It's almost time!!!

Labor Signs: Baby has dropped some, and at the doctor on Wednesday, I was 50-70% effaced but not dilated.  I've been having some "false labor" contractions, too.  Nothing real yet, though!

Symptoms:
  • Swollen feet/ankles (and some finger swelling)
  • Acid Reflux
  • Feeling uncomfortable
Belly Button in or out? still mostly in!  It's pretty flat though

Wedding rings on or off? Off :( I miss wearing my rings!!

Happy or Moody?: another mostly happy week, with a few moody spells thrown in there.  I lose my patience very easily, so there were a few things that set me off this week!

Funny moments this week:  As I mentioned on Friday, Joe's graduation dinner for Campus Guides was held at Vince Carter's restaurant on Thursday.  

Joe got up to give a little thank you speech, and he referenced the last time we ate there.  Well, that just so happened to be our anniversary in June.
That was 9 months prior...and Baby Fish was due on Sunday...so if you do the math....I'll just let you make an assumption about what happened from there!  Anyway, it was quite funny after Joe mentioned that to see the other couples at the dinner looking at each other.  Hopefully there won't be any other babies 9 months from now (unless they planned for them, of course)!

Looking forward to: meeting Baby Fish and finding out the gender!!  And not being pregnant anymore.  I'm starting be over it!

Exercise this week: We took a few walks this week, and I actually did some yard work on Sunday!  My exercise has definitely been limited during the 3rd trimester, but I do feel good about the amount of activity I'm getting in each day.  

Baby Fish Feature: Induction Options
At my appointment last Wednesday, the doctor told me that if nothing had progressed by my next appointment (which is Thursday), then we would discuss induction options.  He said that they don't want me going past 41 weeks because of various things (calcification of the placenta, drying up of the amniotic fluids, etc.), and I will be 41 weeks along on Sunday.

To be honest, I kind of want things to happen naturally.  So, I'd really rather not be put on Pitocin an IV medicine) or have any of the hormone inserts placed in that induce labor.  A friend of mine that was induced was in labor for 36+ hours before having to have a C-section, so the thought of all that is just not fun to me! (I know that's not likely to happen to me, but still, it's not a ringing endorsement for induction!)

The one thing I don't mind them doing is "stripping the membranes".  Basically, the doctor separates the amniotic sac from the wall of the uterus using a gloved finger.  While this does sound a little painful, this seems more "natural" to me.  If the doctor mentions this as an option, I may have them do it on Thursday at my appointment.  Another friend who had a baby recently had this done, and she went in to labor a few hours later.  

I guess we'll see what all the doctor suggests at my appointment on Thursday!

Question for you: What are your thoughts on labor induction?  Any moms out there: did you get induced?  If so, how was that experience?

Monday, March 30, 2015

2015 Goals: Quarter-Year Check In

At the beginning of the year, I like to set a few goals for myself in multiple aspects of my life.  Since we're now a quarter of the way through the year (how did that happen?!), I wanted to check in with my goals and fill you in on the progress.
I'm going to be 100% honest with y'all, as this will help keep me accountable for the rest of the year.  Reflecting on goals and being dishonest isn't helpful at all, so things are about to get real up in here!

1. Memorize 24 verses of Scripture through the Siesta Scripture Memory Team.
Grade: C-
I have chosen 6 out of 6 verses to memorize this year.  I've fully memorized 2 of them, partially memorized 2, and am still working on the last two.  Overall, I've really enjoyed the practice of memorizing Scripture.  I really am motivated to do so, but I think I'm not considering what verses to pick until the very last minute.  I hope to do a better job with this for the rest of the year!

2. Be the mother God would have me to be.
Grade: B
I'm going to look at this from a pregnancy stand-point.  I've done a good job of taking care of myself so that I take care of Baby Fish as he/she grows and develops.  In my next goals reflection post, I'll actually be able to comment on being a mother! 

3. Run the Richmond Marathon in November.*
Grade: A (in theory)
It's hard to really grade this goal right now, considering I haven't signed up for the race.  But, I will give myself an A because it is still my plan to run the Richmond Marathon in November.  I'm remaining flexible with this goal, as I mentioned, because the baby will come first.  I have a goal race for a half marathon PR in mind if the marathon won't work out this year, and I'll share that as the time gets closer.

4. Take care of daily chores first.
Grade: D
For the most part, I have not been very good with this.  While I have done a few more daily chores that I did in the past year, they aren't the first thing I do when I get home from work or before other fun stuff on the weekend.  This will be easier to do while I'm home on maternity leave and over the summer, so hopefully I'll create some routines that will carry over when I go back to work in the fall.

5. Meal Plan to ensure healthy eating and save money.
Grade: F
Yeah, I haven't done this at all.  There was one week where I attempted to meal plan, but then I never made it to the grocery store and just made what was in the house or went out to eat.  This is also something that will make my life so much easier while on maternity leave and over the summer.  Hopefully, I will get better about this!

So, I haven't really done that well with my goals so far this year.  I honestly don't know why I haven't done so well with my goals.  I guess I would say it's because of the pregnancy, but I don't want to make excuses.  I hope that I can make a better effort toward my goals over the next three months, even with all of the new stuff (aka baby!) going on.

Question for you: Did you set goals for 2015?  How are you doing with them?

Friday, March 27, 2015

Joe's Graduation Day!

It's Friday!!  How did Spring Break go by so quickly?  Oh well, today's a very exciting day because Joe is graduating from chiropractic school!
It's taken 3 years, but all of his hard work has finally paid off!  I'm so proud of him and so excited that today has finally come!  He's really looking forward to finally being Dr. Joe!

We've spent the week celebrating this huge accomplishment with his classmates.  On Wednesday, we attended his class's graduation banquet.  It was a really nice dinner at a resort right on the beach!
We had a great time with his classmates, and the food was delicious.
Next up was a dinner that the Campus Guides organization threw for Joe to celebrate his graduation on Thursday night.
They let the graduate (or graduates) pick a restaurant for the dinner and pay for everyone to attend.  Joe chose Vince Carter's, a nice steakhouse that we went to for our anniversary, and everything was fantastic!  Delicious food, great company, and Joe had a great time.  Perfect!

Now, it's time to wait for family to arrive, go to graduation, then celebrate with dinner at That's Amore!  Luckily, Baby Fish decided to wait to be born after graduation, which was exactly what I was hoping.

Hope you have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend!  See you on Monday!

Question for you: what's your favorite way to celebrate a big accomplishment?
We seem to do it by eating at our favorite restaurants :)

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 39 Weeks + My Birth Plan

Hey hey!  How's it going?  I can't believe it's Wednesday already--spring break is flying by!  The weather has been a little crummy this week, but Joe and I are still getting a lot done around the house and having some fun, too!

It's time for another pregnancy update!  Can you believe that my due date is Sunday?  I feel like Baby Fish is going to be late, but still, the time has just gone by so fast!  So, enjoy this week's pregnancy update, as it could be the last!

Pregnancy Update: 39 Weeks

How far along? 39 weeks (and 3 days)

Baby Bump progress: 


Baby's Size? a watermelon! Around 7 pounds and 20-21 inches long.

What's happening this week?  
  • Baby's brain is still growing and developing rapidly
  • Baby's nails may extend past the fingertips now (gotta have those mittens ready for the hospital!)
  • Baby may be able to flex his/her limbs now
Total weight gain/loss: 33.8 pounds total since my first doctor's visit.  I actually go to the doctor today, so that number is probably a little different.

Stretch marks?: nothing new!  Just the little ones at my armpits, some on my chest (which have faded a bit), and a light one going down my stomach.

Sleep: not too bad as of late.  I'm getting up at least once during the night to use the restroom, but I fall right back asleep.  I'm also getting a little warm at night--Tequila likes to snuggle right up next me to at times and she's a little heater!  

Best moment this week: getting some "grown up" stuff done!  Joe and I went shopping for last-minute baby necessities (we had no bottles or breast milk collection bags for the breast pump!), met with a financial advisor, and put in an application for a house to rent!  Welcome to real world!

Miss anything?: Same stuff as last week: having lots of clothing options, having normal-sized feet, alcohol, sleeping comfortably, plus running and being able to sit however I want without the fear of swollen feet!

Movement: lots of movement still!  He/she is still moving the feet and butt into my ribs (ouch!0, but this week, I started feeling movements against my hip bone--that was kind of interesting!  I guess Baby Fish is moving his hands/head a little bit more!

Food cravings: Cold things, like ice cream, iced coffee, smoothies, slurpees, etc.  I guess the rise in temperature is making my mouth too warm!
Smoothies by the pool on Saturday!
Anything making you queasy or sick: I did have a little sickness on Friday night :-X  I either ate too much, or the sandwich I ate for dinner gave me some issues.  I felt so much better after vomiting, though!

Gender: We'll find out when Baby Fish is born :)  It's almost time!!!

Labor Signs: As far as I can tell, just some Braxton-Hicks contractions.  Baby Fish may have dropped just a liiiiiiittle bit, but that's about it.  I'm sure the doctor will check dilation today at the appointment

Symptoms:
  • Swollen feet/ankles (and some finger swelling)
  • Braxton-Hicks contractions
  • Maybe a little "nesting" this weekend
  • Just feeling uncomfortable a lot of the time
Belly Button in or out? still in!

Wedding rings on or off? Off most every day this week :( 

Happy or Moody?: Happy for the most part, though I did have a very quick mood swing when Joe told me something I didn't want to hear.  I think I scared him a little!  Oops!

Funny moments this week: On Sunday, we went to hang out with some of Joe's classmates.  It was all guys and me, and most of them would not let me get up to get more water, food, etc. b/c they were all afraid that I'd start giving birth right there!!  No matter how much I tried to convince them that even if labor started, they wouldn't see a baby, they just insisted on waiting on me.  Hey, I didn't mind :)  Guys are so funny when they dont' know anything about pregnancy!!

Looking forward to: JOE'S GRADUATION on Friday!!!, and of course, meeting Baby Fish sometime soon!!

Exercise this week: Still walking about 3x a week.  The labor/delivery nurse at our birthing class said that can help speed up labor, so I'm probably going to be taking daily walks, especially once we get past Joe's graduation!  

I was telling Joe yesterday that I am really itching to get back into my regular exercise routine.  I've been missing BodyPump (I now have schedule conflicts with the classes when I work), and Im really missing running right now, too!  I just keep telling myself that soon enough, I can work to get back to where I was.

Baby Fish Feature: Birth Plan

Some of the questions I've been getting now that I'm closer to the due date are, "are you planning to have an epidural?", "do you have a birth plan," and "will you have a C-section?"  These are all things that, now that we're done with the birthing classes, I feel very educated about answering!  The classes did a great job presenting all of the options, and I've been able to make some decisions about what I want.

So, I thought today I'd share my birth plan.  Before I do, let me just say this: a birth plan is a really personal decision people have to make for themselves.  I'm only sharing what I am choosing for myself because this is my blog and I want to!  I am in no way trying to say certain things are wrong or insult someone who chose/is choosing a different plan than me.  This is just what I want for my body and my baby and am not saying it's right for everyone.  So please don't be offended, and if your opinions differ than mine, that's great but let's have a respectful conversation about them :)

Of course, this is all subject to change depending on how things are going, and I am open to adjustments if it's what's needed for a safe delivery!
  • No analgesics.  These are medicines used to help relax the mother, but they act like/are narcotics.  They make the baby sleepy and could have trouble with the first feeding.  No, thank you!  Although, my mom did share with me that she had these when in labor with my brother, and he came out fine.  Still, I don't want to run that risk.
  • I'd like to avoid an epidural if possible.  I told Joe that I'm going to attempt this without an epidural, but if I'm going crazy, to tell me to get one.  My issue with it is that it confines you to the bed AND you have to have a catheter to keep your bladder empty.  Again, I'd like to avoid this if at all possible, but I do know that the pain may be too much.  I'm open to having one, but I'd just prefer not to.
  • For pain management afterward, I'd only like to have the ibuprofen.  Other options include narcotics, and while the L/D nurse at the class said they monitor the doses so it doesn't affect the breast milk, I'd still just like to avoid it.
  • I only want Joe in the room with me.  This shouldn't be an issue, as most family who plans to come is going to arrive after the birth.
  • I'd like to have a natural, vaginal delivery (aka avoid being induced or having a C-section) if possible.  Again, if it's necessary for either myself or the baby, obviously I'm going to have a C-section.  But, I'd like to just let nature take its course if the baby's late and it's healthy to do so.  I mean, cave women did this, so why can I?  Plus, I'm not really at the "get this baby out of me!!!!" stage that many women tend to be at when they reach 36ish weeks, so I'm not really thinking of being induced.
Well, there you have it!  Now it's time to go get that hospital bag picked and the car seat strapped in :)

Question for you: Moms and moms-to-be, do/did you have a birth plan?  Everyone, what cold foods have you been wanting lately?

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Tuesdays on the Run: My First Major Race of 2015 is...

Good morning, everyone!  When I got up this morning, I was planning to post my 39-week pregnancy update.  That is, until I checked my e-mail and saw that I am now registered for my first major race of 2015!
I was selected in the lottery to register for the Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta on July 4th, 2015!!!  If you aren't familiar with the race, this is a huge tradition in Atlanta!  It's a 10K race through the city and is always run on July 4th.  Their registration cap for the even is 65,000 runners, so this is a big deal!

I got so, so, SO excited about this for multiple reasons, and I just HAD to dedicate a blog post to it.  Here's why:

I've never won a race lottery before.
Now, I've only entered two others before this one: the lottery for the Peachtree Road Race 2014 and for the NYC Marathon in 2014.  I wasn't too bummed about the NYC Marathon, especially considering I would have been about 4.5 months pregnant while running my first marathon had I done it this year.  But the Peachtree Road Race is special to me (see below), so I was upset I lost last year.  I had low expectations this year, but I'm SO EXCITED to win this race lottery this year and be one of the 65,000 runners this year!

I've been itching to sign up for races for 2015!!
Seeing other bloggers and friends on social media talking about their races so far this year has had me jealous.  I had to stop running mid-January because running just wasn't comfortable anymore.  I've since been eyeing races that I wanted to sign up for but haven't because of the uncertainty around Baby Fish's arrival (when will it happen, will it be via C-section, when can I run again, etc.).  So, I'm so excited that I won this race lottery and now have my first major race of 2015 on the calendar!

We'll make a racecation out of it!
We have lots of friends that live in Atlanta, so running this race will definitely turn in to a racecation!  Not only that, but it'll also be Baby Fish's first race-cation!  Plus, I already checked, and our beloved Atlanta Braves have home games that whole weekend.  Score!

The race will fit perfectly into my marathon training plan.
Image Source
I still haven't signed up yet, but if I run the Richmond Marathon this year as I plan to, this race distance meets exactly what I'll need to run for a long run that week.  Perfect!!

This is my grandfather's favorite race.
My grandfather (mom's dad) has always been a runner and loves to tell us stories about the races he's done.  The reason I even know about the Peachtree Road Race is because my grandfather has run it multiple times and speaks so highly of it.
When I started running, it's been so special to get to share running stories with him and have that hobby in common.  The picture above was from when we ran together this past Thanksgiving.  I can't wait to tell him I'm doing this race this year, and hopefully he'll be able to come watch!

Needless to say, I'm a bit excited about getting in to this race through the lottery!!  A 10K race on July 4th will be the perfect way to get back in to my training postpartum and hopefully lead me to work back up to half marathon (and maybe marathon?!) shape!

I'm linking up with ErikaApril, and Patty for Tuesday's on the Run!  Their theme this week is Race Signs (or anything else running related), so go check out their posts (and many others!) for some laughs.
Tuesdays on the Run

Question for you: What is one race that you've always wanted to run?  Have you done it, or is it still on your race bucket list?

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Five: Spring Break Edition

Hey everyone!  We made it to Friday!!!  Hope you've had a good week, and that you have some great things to look forward to this weekend.  My day is off to a great start, thanks to the cashier at Dunkin' the morning.  She was so nice, friendly, and so excited for my baby!  So much so, that she didn't charge me for my chocolate glazed doughnut, AND she also gave me TWO!  Major score there!!!

I'm also especially excited it's Friday because when I leave work today, it's SPRING BREAK!  How appropriate that it begins on the official first day of spring.  So today, I thought I'd share five things that I'm looking forward to this spring break.
I'm linking up with Courtney, Cynthia, and Mar for the Friday Five Link-up!  Head over to any of those ladies' blogs to see what spring topics they and other bloggers are talking about today!

1. Heading to the Beach
The weather is supposed to be nice, and I live about 3 miles from the ocean, so why not??  Although, I don't think I'm going to feel much like getting in a bikini, but I can certainly sit out there in shorts and a tank top with a good book.  Nothing better!

2. Taking lots of walks
Another great way to get out and enjoy the nice weather!  Tequila will be happy about this, too.  Plus, the labor and delivery nurse that teaches our birthing classes said that's a good way to get the labor process going!

3. Attending a sporting event (potentially)
Joe and I have gone to an Atlanta Braves spring training game each of the last two years we've lived down here, so there has been talk about going to one of their games this week!  We also may look in to attending an Orlando City soccer game, the new MLS team that just started in Orlando!

4. Joe's Graduation!!!! (and all the festivities)
After 3.25 years, it's finally time for Joe to graduate chiropractic school!!!!!  I'm so proud of all his hard work in school and incredibly excited for him to be done with school.  It's going to be a lot of fun, and I can't wait to see him walk across that stage next Friday!

5. Baby Prep
Yes, some of this still needs to happen!  I've been getting a few tiny things done each day, but Joe and I will be (mostly) free all week to get things ready for Baby Fish!  And who knows...maybe he/she will decide to arrive over Spring Break!!!  I'm not counting on it, though, because I've had no signs of labor, and Baby Fish hasn't made much of a decent yet.

Question for you: What are you most looking forward to this spring?  Any fun events planned?

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 38 Weeks

Hello, and happy Wednesday!  As I mentioned in my late post yesterday, I've had a busy week so far this week!!  I gave a day-long PD session for some teachers, so my mind was 100% in planning-and-executing mode for that.  Now that it's over, I've got today, tomorrow, and Friday until Spring Break.  So exciting!

Now, since I'm a day behind on my posts, let's take a look at how things are going with the pregnancy!

Pregnancy Update: 38 Weeks

How far along? 38 weeks (and 3 days)

Baby Bump progress: Baby Fish is really growing, as you can tell!
I made an album on my iPhone of all of my bump pictures, and it's so interesting to flip through the album and see the progress!  I'm so happy I took these pictures :)

Baby's Size? a pumpkin! Around 7 pounds and 20 inches long.

What's happening this week?  
  • Baby is working on shedding the shedding the vernix and lanugo, which has been protecting the skin.
  • Baby is producing surfactant, which will prevent the air sacs in the lungs from sticking together
Total weight gain/loss: 33.8 pounds total since my first doctor's visit.  I actually lost .4 pounds between last week and this week, but I think the main difference was I didn't eat my snack before my appointment.

Stretch marks?: nothing new!  Just the little ones at my armpits, some on my chest (which have faded a bit), and a light one going down my stomach.

Sleep: this has been a little more tough this week.  I've been warm and haven't been able to get comfortable!  I actually knocked the AC down 1 degree on Monday (yes, I have to have the AC on right now...it's in the 80s each day...) and slept SO WELL!  It was great.

Best moment this week: hands down, best moment was the surprise shower the youth group kids planned and threw for me on Sunday night!  
Picture of the whole party!
It was the sweetest thing--they planned it, decorated, and set up games for everyone to play.  They also all brought diapers for us.  It was so much fun, and I was so touched by the sweet things they did!  I love the youth group kids!

Miss anything?: having lots of clothing options, having normal-sized feet, alcohol, sleeping comfortably

Movement: still moving and grooving!  I'm doing the kick count for my doctor, and when I sit down to count, it normally takes about a minute or 2 to get the 10 kicks I'm looking for over 2 hours!  Baby Fish is active!

Food cravings: I've been really in to Cheetos over the last week.  
I've also been wanting salads more, which is great since I got out of the routine of my salad lunches over the past few months.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope, other than some pretty bad acid reflux.  I woke up one night feeling like I needed to throw up because of how bad it was!

Gender: We'll find out when Baby Fish is born :)  I'm really looking forward to finding out!!

Labor Signs: Other than Braxton-Hicks contractions, nothing!  My doctor tried to check dilation at my appointment yesterday, but she wasn't able to reach to see (which is normal, the opening was just pointing toward my spine).

Symptoms:
  • Acid Reflux
  • Swollen feet/ankles (and some finger swelling)
  • Itchy (and growing!) belly
  • Braxton-Hicks contractions
  • Forgetfulness--seriously, I feel like recent things have been blocked out of my mind!
  • Maybe a little "nesting" this weekend

Belly Button in or out? still in, but just very very slightly

Wedding rings on or off? I had trouble getting them on this weekend, but I've been able to do so every day this week!

Happy or Moody?: This week has been a happy week, so that's a good thing!  Bike Week wasn't so bad (I was anticipating some meltdowns), and now it's over!

Funny moments this week: Before going to church this weekend, I couldn't get my wedding rings on!  Joe wasn't able to go with me, so I was there by myself.  I could TOTALLY tell that when people saw me there by myself, pregnant, with no wedding rings on, they were judging me just a little bit.  I kid you not, at least two women looked at my left hand!  I obviously didn't say anything, but I just find it funny (or maybe "ironic" or "sad" is a better word) that they would even care about that.  We're at church where we're supposed to love and serve one another, right?  Funny stuff!

Looking forward to: SPRING BREAK next week and meeting Baby Fish sometime soon!!

Exercise this week: I've taken about 4 walks over the last week.  That's about all I can muster, especially with my feet getting super swollen throughout the work day!  I'm hoping that with spring break coming, I'll be able to do something every single day next week.  Just gotta make it to Friday!!

Well, that's all I have for you today!  Next week, I think I'll share with y'all my birthing plan.  Joe and I still need to talk about all that we discussed at last night's birthing class (we went over the medical intervention options during delivery), so we'll aim to talk about that next week :)

Hope you have a great Wednesday!

Question for you: How has your week been?  Do you have Spring Break coming up?  Moms or Moms-to-be: did you come up with a birthing plan beforehand or just go-with-the-flow?